Unspoken Words

Broken Heart

2010-09-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

I wake up each day struggling to be happy. All my emotions that are fighting to be freed are bottled up until I can return to my room at the end of the day and just release it. I never pictured myself to be a cry-baby, but I've been crying almost everyday that it is becoming a necessity to my system.

I'm tired of this cycle of waking up, being sad, crying, sleeping, and waking up to only feel like I am back at square one. I don't want to be a broken-hearted girl anymore.

Broken-hearted Girl -Beyonce

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love enough to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away With you
yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t wanna a broken heart
Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl No…no…
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

Falling

2010-09-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

Everything to me is just a leap of faith. A leap of faith that everything will turn out okay (maybe through God's guidance). I always understood that I had no control over my surroundings, but each day I am beginning to realize how little control I have over my thoughts and emotions as well. I find myself constantly trying to make sense of my situation and what is the "best" way to handle it, yet my emotions are telling me another story. When the mind and heart does not agree, I start to have doubts about my current course of action. I'm drowning because I can't follow my heart, but my conscience is telling me that this is the right direction to be heading.

People say that when you love someone, you want the best for them. I truly want joy and happiness for him. And so I have been constantly reminding myself not to be selfish, not to do anything that will pull him back into my current state of desperateness and confusion. He has been there and done that for me, and I gratefully acknowledge that.

Is this is a small taste of what Hell feels like? Christians describe Hell as "not being with God", and to me that translates to mental and emotional pain of not having peace in the mind and heart.

The Purpose of this Blog

2010-06-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

Putting my thoughts into words has always been very hard for me. I can feel my emotions, but I cannot clearly explain how I am feeling. I love to hear stories, but I cannot tell a story well enough from beginning to end. To put it simply, I just do not present my thoughts well enough for the other person to grasp what I actually mean to say. That being said, I have decided to begin these series of journal entries to help me practice expressing my jumbled thought coherently into well thought out words. And of course, I will probably use this journal to express my inner thoughts about love and life or maybe random thoughts that come to mind. I'll also include updates on what is currently going on in my life.